Pound of Flesh

I wanted to update my blog to let anyone who might be interested know the reason for my absence. As I have said previously, we lost two much loved men in mid-June in horrific accidents. At the end of that month a young man who had three young children crashed his pickup into a tree when he missed a curve on a gravel road. They said that there were pieces of him everywhere and they had to use dental records to identify him. I did not know Kirk well, but I know his kids. His youngest was in T-Ball with my grandson. I know his ex-wife. I know his mother. This was a terrible tragedy and our small town lost another husband and father in an unimaginable crash.

This past week another man, Benji Banwart, suffered a killing stroke while farming. Again, all of us lost a good friend. His funeral was on Saturday, and on Saturday my husband was involved in an accident. No - he's fine (thanks for asking). So is the other driver, thank God. A young girl literally turned in front of him. He only had time to swerve slightly to the right to avoid T-boning her vehicle with the pickup. Thankfully she was also driving a pickup, otherwise the outcome would not have been so blessed if our grill guard had gone through her windshield.

Needless to say, this freaked me the FUCK out! Steve and Dean are too recent for me to just laugh this off.

I can't help but think about the poor guys on our fire department who have had to go out to the accident sites on Dean, Kirk and now Benji. These guys volunteer their time and efforts and they all knew these men. Worked with them; partied with them; went to their weddings (some anyway); and went to school with their kids. To go out there and see their friends hurt, bloodied, dead. I can't even imagine what their nightmares must be these days. There were a lot of tears at Benji's funeral. I think everyone is in overload mode these days. "Please, Lord - no more! You've had your pound of flesh from our small town. Please don't let me pick up another friend... or have a friend pick me up."

And so, dear friends, my absence is my nervousness and numbness. The last time this happened, when my mother and brother died within three weeks of each other, it was almost two years before I could read more than one sentence at a time. On good days I'll try to catch one blog entry, read one email, or watch 15 minutes of a TV show. I can't concentrate right now. My mind keeps returning over and over again to Steve, Dean, Kirk and Benji. Remembering the last time we spoke, or laughed, bought each other a beer, teased one another about some stupid thing. And Don's accident. The "what ifs" are driving me nuts. I've tried numerous times to keep posting. My mind just doesn't seem to want to quiet down so I can write. Cooking is once again an absent-minded chore. Time is the only thing that will calm my mind.

Two weeks ago (or was it just one?), Sts. Peter and Paul Catholic School had their annual fall festival and Jay had EIGHT tanks of chicken going! If I had been thinking, I would have taken a picture of that and posted it. Wouldn't that have been a sight! I apologize. Ah well, next year. There's always "next year" - right?