A man walks into an orthopedist's office, walks up to the reception desk and says, "I think I'm a moth." The receptionist says, "Oh gosh, I don't think we can help you with that here, but there's a psychiatrist's office right down the hall." The fellow says, "Yah, I know... I was on my way down there, but your light was on."
Thanks for the laugh Don!
OR
HOW TO LEAVE A MESSAGE ON AN ANSWERING MACHINE
I know, it's tough. You dial someone's number expecting that they will answer their phone and you can speak directly to that person. You do it every day. Sometimes twice a day. But every once in a while this new-fangled device called an "Answering Machine" will pick up and you are forced to leave a message and hope for a call back from the human you wish to speak to.
So, for those of you who have never used this machine and who wish to speak to the human that owns said machine, I will list an easy-to-follow, fail-safe method to get that person to call you back.
When you hear the beep (which means you should start speaking) do the following in the order given:
1. State your name fully and clearly - CLEARLY. Do you know how many Joshs, Travis-es, Jackies and Chads we have as clients? You are not our son or daughter so we don't know who you are by the sound of your voice. So, be a gem and give us your FULL NAME.
2. Leave your phone number. I don't care if I've talked to you an hour ago. If I have to go to your file to look up your number, I'm going to call back everyone else BEFORE I call you.
3. Give us your FULL telephone number, beginning with the area code. We deal with two area codes here folks. If we have to guess which one it is then guess what you're not getting. A call back.
4 Speak CLEARLY and slowly and STOP MUMBLING. "Hi, this is Jim mumble at mumble-mumble-8, mumble-7-mumble-mumble-mumble." About that call back? You better try your call again because you've just been deleted because I don't know who the hell you are or what your fricking phone number is.
5. SLOW DOWN. The phone won't self destruct in 10 seconds if you don't end your call by then. These new machines will let you just talk and talk and talk, so take your time - to a point. (See below.)
6. Be BRIEF. We don't need to hear the whole sordid story of why you just "had" to break that no-contact Order. A simple "Don - I'm in the Palo Alto County jail. Call me." will suffice. (Oh, and we know that number. It's on speed dial.)
To recap: we need your FULL NAME, your FULL PHONE NUMBER and a BRIEF MESSAGE. So, SLOW DOWN AND STOP MUMBLING. And sit up straight.
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I have learned to NOT subscribe to magazines. It took me many years to learn this valuable lesson. But after finally getting rid of 5 years(!) worth of Martha Stewart Living magazines this summer, I vowed that I was never going to subscribe to another magazine again. I just don't have enough closet shelf space to store them. And why store them to begin with? I never looked at them again so why was I saving them?
Because they were beautiful and informative and inspiring, that's why. Except, like I said, I never looked at them again. That's just me - clinging to an imagined reality that will never be.
Which is why I was totally jazzed when I saw this web site, the READ GREEN Initiative. They offer online versions of lots of magazines that you can either read online (duh) of download to read later. It's the real magazine - only not with paper. It's a "win/win" situation here folks!
Of course, they don't offer Martha Steward Living, but I did subscribe to Saveur. And there are many, many more to choose from. So, head on over and take a look. Save a tree (and your sanity) today!
About four weeks ago my BFF Bettina decided to go on a diet. We were sitting in the BBY (Big Back Yard) having a drink and letting the dogs play when we (read:I) started talking about being fat and unhappy about it. We both know that stomach fat can lead to diabetes, stroke and heart disease and that's where we both carry our weight. (I don't think thunder thighs can kill you...can it?)
The very next day as she was fixing my drink she announced that she was on a diet and she wasn't going to drink. For that week, as was our habit, we would meet for an hour and let the dogs play and then meet uptown at 5:00 for cocktail hour. Normally we'd have a drink or two in the BBY and another couple-ten uptown. Now it was water and a diet pop for her. I figured when we got uptown she'd eventually break down and have a drink with me. I knew she was a stubborn German woman, but I didn't think she was that committed.
I should have known better though, because when she decided to stop smoking several years ago she just STOPPED. Period. End of discussion. Man - that woman has willpower!
Because she is my best friend, I didn't want her to suffer alone. So, in the spirit of friendship, I decided to quit drinking as well. To lose weight, you know. And it is working. Very well, in fact. But, you know what else I found out? I FEEL better. I feel better waking up, I have more energy during the day, and I just seem...well...happier.
And I'm also trying to quit smoking with Chantix. Wow. Two addictions at once. How much willpower can a person have I wonder. I have gone from 2+ packs a day to less than one, but I can't seem to get that last little craving out of my system. Yet.
My epiphany? Well, last night as I was watching TV, I suddenly realized that I was silently trying to decide which of my THREE cravings to give in to: 1) have a drink; 2) have a cigarette; or 3) have a cookie. Which one would hurt me the least? I suddenly realized that I had THREE addictions and they are all bitches. (For the record - I had a cigarette.)
I started this whole "no drinking" crap to lose weight. What I'm finding is that one of my addictions (either alcohol or tobacco) is ratcheting up my sweet tooth like mad. Luckily said sweet tooth is a midget compared to carbohydrate tooth, but it can really pitch a fit when told "no".
Will I drink again? Probably...maybe. I miss having a glass of wine with supper or a drink with friends. It's all the drinks that follow that I don't miss. Will I eventually quit smoking? God, I hope so! It's a disgusting, filthy habit that makes no one happy. Least of all me. Can I eventually take off this weight and (more importantly) keep it off? Yes - I think I can. I've never been a heavy woman, just average height and weight. I know that I need to start exercising if I'm going to maintain any weight loss and as soon as I can, I plan on starting a walking program.
Too little too late? Nah. We do what we can, when we can. Who knows how many days, hours or minutes we have left to live. How we live those precious minutes is what is most important. Taking charge of our own lives is the first step. Follow-through is the next. Commitment is the result.
Several years ago my step-daughter and her friend made a movie! A real movie. Like the kind you would go to a theater and watch. It's a documentary about contestants on the fan-tabulous Price Is Right TV show and it's a blast to watch. Right now the girls are trying to get it picked up by a distributor so that you can actually GO to a theater and watch it.
I don't really understand the whole process involved with distributing/selling the movie. But I do know that it is going to be shown at the San Francisco Documentary Film Festival on October 18th and 20th. So if you are a fan of the Price Is Right or indie film makers, here's your chance to see Caryn and Jeruschka's film. I wish we were closer so we could attend, but it's not to be.
Here are the details in Caryn's own words:
COME ON DOWN!! THE ROAD TO ‘THE PRICE IS RIGHT’ Premiere screening at the SF Documentary Film Festival Saturday, October 18, 2008 7:15 pm Monday, October 20, 2008, 7:15 pm San Francisco –Come On Down! The Road to ‘The Price Is Right’ will debut in San Francisco on Saturday, October 18th as part of the San Francisco Documentary Film Festival. The world premiere screening will take place on Saturday, October 18th , at 7:15 pm at the Roxie Cinema (3117 16th Street in San Francisco ) and will be followed by a Q & A with the filmmakers. A second screening will take place on Monday, October 20th, at 7:15 pm at the Roxie. Come On Down! The Road to ‘The Price Is Right’ is a film about game show culture, the American dream, and the once-in-a-lifetime experience of hearing the words… “Lucky Lucy, come on down!!” The diverse cast of characters includes rock bands, college students, scholars, grandmas, fanatics, and "regular Joe's." The TPIR stories collected offer a hilarious and lighthearted glimpse at a truly unique staple of American popular culture as devotees live their "American dream." As one fan proclaimed, "I compare it to Canterbury Tales…I think it truly is an American pilgrimage." This documentary is a debut feature for filmmakers Caryn Capotosto and Jeruschka White. www.comeondowndocumentary.blogspot.com/ www.myspace.com/comeondowndocumentary Tickets are available online at http://www.sfindie.com/ Press inquiries please contact TPIRdocumentary@aol.com
I like memes. They offer a glimpse into the writer's life. Plus it's a good way to share just a bit about yourself to perfect strangers. Reenie had this one on her blog and I thought I'd play along. Here goes:
1.What time did you get up this morning?
4:00 a.m. What? I get up when I wake up.
2.Diamonds or pearls?
Both.
3.What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Indiana Jones - what is it? 4? 5? Which ever the last one was. I saw it with Bettina and Q.
4.What is your favorite TV show?
I don't really have a "favorite" - something that I watch all the time. I like "House" and "Law and Order". The channel I watch mostly is Tru TV for all the wacky real life criminals and stuff.
5.What do you usually have for breakfast?
Coffee
6.What is your middle name?
Marie
7.What food do you dislike?
Sushi (I don't really know if I dislike it or not as I've never tasted it. The thought of raw fish just makes me gag.) OK - hominy. Yuck!
8.What is your favorite CD at the moment?
I don't have a favorite. I like various artists (see my Play List) but no whole CD. One of my favorite whole albums is Santana's "Abraxas". Sexy!
9.What kind of car do you drive?
I drive the Ford F-150 and DH drives the Ford 500.
10.Favorite sandwich?
Hmm...toughie. I love well-made reubens. OK - I've got it! McDonald's Big Mac!! My "guilty pleasure" only indulged in once or twice a month.
11.What characteristic do you despise?
Liars - hate people lying to me.
12.Favorite item of clothing?
My jeans.
13.If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?
The Caribbean. I joke that the reason DH won't take me on a cruise is because I'd jump ship and never come home once we got there. (I'd be sorely tested not to.)
14.Favorite brand of clothing?
There's brands? OK, I know there is - I just don't have a favorite.
15.Where would you retire to?
The Loess Hills in western Iowa where I grew up.
16.What was your most recent memorable birthday?
My 50th was fun.
17.Favorite sport to watch?
NASCAR
18.Furthest place you are sending this?
The World Wide Web.
19.Person you expect to send it back first?
Don't know.
20.When is your birthday?
November 21st.
21.Are you a morning person or a night person?
Morning
22.What is your shoe size?
8 1/2 or 9.
23.Pets?
Elvis and Dusty are our dogs. Goldie and Rosie Barb are the fish.
24.Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us?
I wish.
25.What did you want to be when you were little?
A cowgirl!
26.How are you today?
Fine, thanks. How are you?
27.What is your favorite candy?
Truthfully - I'm not much of a candy person. Now when we're talking salty - popcorn!
28.What is your favorite flower?
Boy, that's a tough one. I love roses (of course) and day lillies and zinnias ('cause there's just so many!) and peonies and iris and daisy and flowering trees and shrubs and cacti and...well, you get the drift. I wouldn't say that I love "every" flower. Some I can take or leave and some are just fugly. I love the "old" ones. Things that haven't been hybridized until the original is barely distinguishable. Except the hybrid petunias, of course.
29.What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to?
Today, well, and Oct. 30th cause that's Q's birthday.
30.What is your favorite pastime?
Surfing the internet; playing games on pogo.com.
31.What are you listening to right now?
Don has CNN on right now, but I'm not listening to it. It's just background noise. When I'm alone I don't have TV or radio going. I LOVE the sound of silence.
32.What was the last thing you ate?
A white chocolate-pistachio cookie with my coffee. (I made them this weekend. Yum!)
33.Do you wish on stars?
Always
34.If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Heather
35.How is the weather right now?
41 degrees. It's supposed to get to a whole 61 today! Woo hoo!!
36.The first person you spoke to on the phone today?
No one - yet. And I'm not going into work today, so if I'm lucky I won't talk to anyone on the phone today.
37.Favorite soft drink?
Pepsi
38.Favorite restaurant?
Cancun in Mason City. They have the BEST chile rellanos.
39.Real hair color?
Copper-brown
40.What was your favorite toy as a child?
I had a collection of horse statues, but I never "played" with them. These are what I remember, though. Mostly, living in Turin, Iowa, all play was done outside. Cowboys and Indians, Cops and Robbers - that kind of stuff. So, I guess my favorite "toy" was my imagination!
41.Summer or winter?
Summer
42.Hugs or kisses?
Hugs
43.Chocolate or Vanilla?
Vanilla - no, wait. Chocolate. Or...well...OK - both.
44.Coffee or tea?
Coffee
45.Do you want your friends to email you back?
I always want my friends to email me!
46.When was the last time you cried?
Day before yesterday, when I read about Paul Newman dying. Everything makes me cry - parades, balloons, songs, seeing other people's tears, thinking about my mom. I cry way too easily. It's frustrating. Which makes me cry.
47.What is under your bed?
A storage box containing extra sheets and another containing my collection of placemats. And dust bunnies.
48.What did you do last night?
Watched an episode of "House" then went to bed and read. I'm re-reading "The Chronicles of Narnia" and I love it! I'd forgotten how good it was. I finally went to sleep about midnight.
49.What are you afraid of
Death
50.Salty or sweet?
Salty
51.How many keys on your key ring?
Which key ring? I carry four. The office one has 7, and the car ones have 2 and the fourth one has 1.
52.How many years at your current job?
I work for hubby and have for the past 11-12 yrs.
53.Favorite day of the week?
Wednesdays - that's when the pogo challenges come out. (I am soooo frickin' easy!)
54.How many towns have you lived in?
Eight (I think).
55.Do you make friends easily?
Yes
56.How many people will you send this to?
How many people are in the world? And how many have computers? And how many read me? Let's see.... that will be.... 5! LOL
57.How many will respond?
Don’t know. :)
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I told you it was pretty nasty. Then, of course we had to decide what to put down for flooring. After seeing how horrible the carpet was, I was really really hesitant about laying down more. My heart was set on hard wood, but my pocketbook couldn't stand the pressure. So we compromised and got laminate.
Here's Mark laying our new laminate floor. I like how it is going to just open up both rooms. And here's Dean and a friend installing the quarter-round along the baseboards. Right now. I mean, they're still here.
Pretty cool, huh? Now I just have to touch up the paint and I'll be done. Whew! But, it was worth it. Every minute and every penny. I haven't had to use my rescue inhaler once since we got that carpet out of the house. Don and I just feel better!
And this had been this summer's remodeling project. Thank God it's over!
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A really great list that I got from Reenie. I don't do everything on this list. But I do quite a lot of it. Enjoy!
40 Tips for a Better Life
1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.
2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
3. Buy a DVR, tape your late night shows and get more sleep.
4. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, 'My purpose is to __________ today.'
5. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
6. Play more games and read more books.
7. Make time to relax every day. That provides us with daily fuel for our busy lives.
8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6.
9. Dream more while you are awake.
10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
11. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds & walnuts.
12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
13. Clear clutter from your house, your car, your desk and let new and flowing energy into your life.
14. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead, invest your energy in the positive present moment.
15. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class, but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
16. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.
17. Smile and laugh more. It will keep the negative blues away.
18. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
20. Don't take yourself so seriously.
21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: “In five years, will this matter?”
26. Forgive everyone for everything.
27. What other people think of you is none of your business.
28. Enjoy the ride. Remember this is not Disney World and you certainly don't want a fast pass. You only have one ride through life so make the most of it.
29. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
30. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
31. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
32. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
33. The best is yet to come.
34. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up. You are too blessed to be stressed!
35. Do the right thing!
36. Call your family often. (Or email them)
37. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: I am thankful for __________. Today I accomplished _________.
38. Take time each morning to talk with the Higher Power of your understanding.
39. Remember, the Universe has a Plan for Your Life.
40. Forward this to everyone you care about. I just did by posting it here!
My good friend Reenie recently posted the below story written by another wonderful woman Annetta Ribken. This story really hit home with me. Netta nailed it with this observation of life.
A Trip to Wal-Mart
By Annetta Ribken
annetta.ribken@gmail.com
Contact at: http://www.wordwebbing.com/
"Turning into the parking lot of Wal-Mart, you cruise for a decent spot. You see a car inching out of a prime space; you sit and wait for the woman behind the wheel to pull out. She is taking her time; your fingers drum on the steering wheel as you fight the urge to lay on the horn. What you don't see is that she's trying to get her three-year old to shut up and stop squirming long enough to look behind her; her husband will kill her if she puts another ding in this car.
She safely pulls out, breathing a sign of relief and ready to smack the three-year-old; you pull smoothly into the space she has vacated. What you don't see is the man in the compact car cussing you out for taking his spot. He's had a bad morning; he overslept and missed church. When his wife got home he had to put up with her sighs, knowing looks, and comments about hellfire waiting for unbelievers. He figured he would make the trip to Wal-Mart to pick up some paint for the outside door; maybe that would shut her up. Now he has to ride around the parking lot one more time to find a spot. Day is shaping up great, he thinks.
Getting out of your car, you look up and see two boys walking by. One of them is laughing and the other is clowning, singing some rap song. You hit the lock button, shut the door and double check it without even thinking, wondering how the one kid keeps his pants up because they're riding so low. What you don't see is these two boys are honor roll students, and one of them will be shot early next month in a drive-by. The other kid will go on to complete high school and go to college. This day he spends with his friend will become one of his most cherished memories.
You walk behind the two boys into Wal-Mart; the lady greeter is there as usual. She smiles and pushes a cart in your direction. You don't notice the shadows beneath her eyes and you don't know that she is worried about her daughter and new grandbaby. The baby, her first grandchild, is still in the neo-natal unit and she knows her daughter is pushing herself too hard. She hates her son-in-law but her daughter loves him, so what can she do? She just wishes he would help more around the house, especially with the baby so sick and his wife spending so much time at the hospital. She's counting the minutes until work is over, so she can go help.
You roll your cart over to the pharmacy to drop off a prescription; the pharmacy assistant is tall and cute and you spend a few minutes chatting with him. He tells you how he's working his way through college and you think he seems like a nice fellow. You don't see the slight tremor of his hands and you don't know he's working his way into a huge addiction to codeine. Every minute of every day is consumed by getting high, the need to get high, or scoring to get high. He's filled with self-loathing and guilt, but that doesn't stop him. He won't stop until he loses his job and his scholarship. He will finally flunk out of college and will spend the rest of his life in atonement for the sins he is about to commit.
You wander into the electronics department, and casually look over the new music. Next to you is a young girl; she's pierced, tattooed, dyed, and made up until she looks like a freak from the circus. You sneak looks out of the corner of your eye at this child, and think, "If my daughter ever came home like this I would kill her." What you don't see is this girl is homeless; she's staying at a shelter because her mother took off for parts unknown, leaving her only daughter to the not-so-tender mercies of a perverted stepfather. Suicide is heavy on her mind right now; you catch her eye and she looks truculent. You smile a little, sensing she may need it. She does, and she takes it, giving a small smile in return. The clouds recede for her just a little; you walk on, not knowing what the little smile you gave just did for this girl.
You move on and stop to look through the magazine rack. A gentleman is there in a fatigue jacket perusing the latest hot rod magazine; he looks totally absorbed. What you don't see is this man has not slept in three nights and is looking for some relief. The nightmares won't let him go and the ebony cloak of depression is hovering, hovering. He has to sleep, but the screams of his men and the sound of the helicopters won't leave him. He's been here at Wal-Mart for six hours, and has almost finished reading every magazine on this rack. The winds of madness are blowing hard and he is holding on for dear life.
Stopping in the automotive department, you pick up some windshield washer fluid and notice a young man doing the same. You smile at him and he smiles back, but looks a little distracted. You have no way of knowing how sick he feels inside, because he's been cheating on his wife for the past six months and doesn't know what to do. He doesn't realize his wife has known for the last four months, and is at this very moment calling a lawyer. He only knows he loves his wife, but the other woman does things with her mouth and tongue his wife won't. The other woman understands him and puts no pressure on him. The other woman is his wife's best friend.
You get to the checkout lane with your purchases, and wait in line while the elderly woman in front of you unloads cat food, sheets, some Tylenol, and an African violet on the conveyor belt. She is humming to herself and looks happy; you smile, not knowing she's thinking of her husband who passed away close to twenty years ago, not knowing she misses him with every breath she takes. She's just marking time until she can join him. She feels lucky she had the time she did with him, but she's angry with God for taking him too soon. The anger is with her always, cheek by jowl with love.
The check out guy is mechanically doing his job; his mind is on the cute girl he met two months ago. She doesn't know (and neither do you) how his insides flutter every time he thinks of her, and now he's determined to get up the guts to ask her out. He daydreams about the sheen of her hair, the curve of her waist, and then stops because to go any further would embarrass him.
Sliding your credit card, punching in the PIN number is automatic with a ritualistic feel. You say thank you to the love struck boy, and head outside. Putting your purchases in the trunk, you get into the car, start it up and pull out. Someone is patiently waiting for your slot; they don't see worry on your face about a small lump that may or may not be there. They don't see your panic at the thought of your son entering the military or the concern about your daughter, who's been spending a lot of time with her friends and not enough at home. They don't see the strains of a marriage on the brink, the stress digging deeper and deeper into the flesh of your face.
You back out of the parking space, and head home. A waiting car pulls smoothly into the vacated spot.
~end~ "
“People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing--that's why we recommend it daily.”
-Hilary Hinton "Zig" Ziglar (1926- , motivational speaker, author, salesman)
“No change of circumstances can repair a defect of character.”
- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882, American Author)
NOTE: For the next time you start to say, “Well, I’d be happy if only…”
Maybe Reenie's excellent post on The Four Statements has made me reflect on my life. I just thought these quotes were perfect for my life today.
it was safe to go into your kitchen...
You might want to re-think that whole "new, cool counter tops" idea.
Our little town performed a miracle. I'll let John Carlson from the Des Moines Register tell you our story:
Carlson: Towns show meaning of school spirit
By JOHN CARLSON
jcarlson@dmreg.com
The bank lobby was jammed with farmers, business owners and other West Bend-area residents, all with their pens and checkbooks ready.
Everybody in the West Iowa Bank that afternoon last month already had given cash to the most important cause a community could have. They were ready to do it again.
"We had 20 minutes to go before the bank closed, and we were still $76,000 short," said Dawn Schmidt of West Bend, an organizer of what might be the largest, fastest money-raising effort rural Iowa has ever seen.
"The clock was ticking, and people were making calls, finding more money. People were cashing in their CDs and transferring money from savings accounts. And we made it. We got the money we needed."
The people of West Bend and Mallard saved their school system. In the long run, they likely preserved the vitality and very heart of their communities, too.
In 18 days, residents and former residents of the northern Iowa towns came up with $852,953.63. We're not talking pledges; we're talking cash in the bank.
It took that kind of money, that fast, to keep the Iowa Department of Education from shutting down a school district that less than a year ago was honored by U.S. News and World Report magazine as having one of the finest high schools in the nation.
The magazine gives no awards for financial crises. That's good, because the West Bend-Mallard School District was, and still is, in a doozy.
The details of how it happened are complicated, involving "unspent authorized balances" and "allowable growth" formulas and "modified allowable growth" dispensations by state review committees.
Put simply, the administration and school board overspent and underplanned, and the West Bend-Mallard district was looking at operating at a deficit for a fourth consecutive year.
Most people in the district had not realized what was happening with the finances and were shocked that a state-imposed death penalty was looming.
It wasn't just idle talk. The same thing happened in tiny Russell just a few months ago. The district ran at an unacceptable deficit and the state shut it down.
"The Department of Education people explained it reasonably and offered as much help as possible, but the fact is, the high school almost certainly would be closed and we were looking at losing the whole school district," Schmidt said. "We weren't going to let it happen."
The thing is, there wasn't much time to make up the district's $700,000 deficit, plus get a $150,000 cushion to start the 2008-09 school year. The money was needed by June 30, the end of the fiscal year.
Letters explaining the problem were written on June 11. Mailing labels came from a database compiled from West Bend's recent sesquicentennial and all-school reunion. The letters and envelopes, folded and stuffed by volunteers, were printed by the West Bend Journal newspaper.
A total of 1,402 letters went in the mail on June 12. Another 155 went out the next day. The cost of postage came straight out of people's pockets.
"The letter made it clear this was an all-or-nothing thing," Schmidt said. "We had to make the goal of $850,000 by the close of business on June 30. All checks mailed in would be null and void if we didn't make it. This wasn't going to be a 'do the best we can if we only got $300,000' kind of thing. We were going to get the money we needed to save the school or we weren't."
One check for $100,000 arrived. There was one for $70,000 and one for $50,000. But organizers knew this wouldn't make it on the backs of a few large donors.
It didn't.
Two children came to the school district office, each with $1 to contribute to their school. Some kids in Minneapolis, cousins of students at West Bend-Mallard, opened a lemonade stand and sent $10.
A lighted digital sign on West Bend's Main Street kept people up to date with the amount raised. It flashed a running tally as the checks came in. People stood and watched as the number changed.
It was exciting. And for a while, a bit discouraging.
By June 25 - five days before the deadline - just $334,000 in checks was at the bank. That was less than half the goal.
People talked to those who hadn't contributed about what was at stake. It was more than just school buildings in West Bend, population 834, and Mallard, population 298. Schools close, and communities begin to lose their identities. Main Street suffers.
They'd seen it before all around the state.
"It's a drip, drip, drip, and we sure didn't want it to happen here," said Bob Runchey, owner of the International-Case farm equipment dealership in West Bend.
West Bend, a town without a stoplight, had raised big money before. People pooled their cash and built the country club. They did the same with the lumberyard. Even the Ford dealership. They came up with $621,000 to build the Park View motel. So raising $850,000 to save the school surely was doable.
Some towns would turn the key on the buildings and walk away. Not here, a place former county supervisor and school board member Lannie Miller calls "too tough to die."
"It's a lot of money, but I thought it was possible," said Runchey, the implement dealer.
"We're in the middle of four county seat towns, all of them about 20 miles away. People want the community to thrive," he said. "We've got a grocery store and a couple of restaurants and other businesses. This is important for them. People always tell us we're a wealthy area with some very successful farmers. Pretty much everybody stepped up. Some did in a big way."
The money kept coming, but not a single check was cashed before the deadline. Which brought them to 2:40 p.m. on June 30, and the crowd at the bank and $76,000 to go.
The truth is, they stretched that 3 p.m. deadline. But not by much. The last-minute calls, checks and money transfers worked. There were cheers and high-fives.
It was like Christmas Eve at the Bailey house in Bedford Falls. OK, Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed weren't in the bank lobby, but the celebration made it a very wonderful day in West Bend and Mallard.
The sign on Main Street flashed the good news.
Schmidt said they might end up with as much as $900,000 when the last of the 326 contributions come in.
Not that it's over. An interim school superintendent has been hired - the previous superintendent resigned in May - and some very hard decisions will have to be made.
Such as the future of the West Bend building, which houses the high school and prekindergarten through second grade, and the Mallard building, where third- through eighth-graders attend. The staff size may be reduced. Nothing is off the table.
People in the district know they saved their school, and they are darned proud of it.
They are talking about saving some of the school's money a month from now by grabbing mops and buckets and deep-cleaning the buildings themselves before school starts.
Not that it should be a surprise. These people have already shown they'll do whatever it takes.
The Johnson County Extension Service has given some good advice about eating fruits and vegetables that have been exposed to the recent flood waters.
It only makes sense not to eat something that has been covered with sewage-contaminated water. But even out here - in the middle of nowhere - we need to be aware of this danger. The manure and chemical fertilizers and herbicides that were applied to the newly-planted fields right before the rains were washed into the creeks and rivers and thence over our yards and gardens.
Common sense here, folks. If you have any doubt about the safety of eating your food, then discard it. "When in doubt - throw it out!" That's been the canning mantra for years and it applies to your growing fruits and vegetables this season. It sucks, I know.
Thanks to Genie of The Inadvertent Gardener for bringing this to my attention. You can take the girl out of Iowa, but you can't take Iowa out of the girl.
If you didn't know about Iowa before, you certainly do now. That is, if you watch TV or listen to a radio. In 1993 we had the Hundred Years Flood. Aught eight is now being called the Five Hundred Years Flood. We did learn from our mistakes in '93 so some of the damage has been mitigated. But we had (are having) more rain in larger amounts which are causing problems now. Levees are breaking, towns and cities are being evacuated, basements and fields are being flooded. Farmers are crying in their beer. (That's a lie. They're not crying. You can't be a farmer and be a wimp. You wouldn't survive. They are some of the most optimistic people I know.) It's a mess.
Thursday Bettina and Gary drove around the quarter and took some pictures. She said I could use them for this post, so here they are:
This is the golf course. Taken from the road, looking out over No. 2 fairway, No. 7 tee box and No. 3 fairway. That little building is used to sell beer and drinks during a tournament.
This is No. 2 green. It's usually much bigger than this.
This is the road you're sitting on after having driven through water washing across the road. You know you're not supposed to do that. It's very dangerous, but I'm glad you made it safely.
This crap is cornstalks that have washed downstream from a field and are now sitting on No. 2 fairway.
This is Ron Brown's sheep pasture. Don't worry - he'd moved the sheep up to the barn weeks ago to lamb. Kinda pretty, isn't it?
The field on the left is Ron Girres (I believe) and the one on the right is Little Jerry's. Somewhere in there is the lane going up to Jay's farm. Bettina would not allow Gary to try to drive through this. (Wise choice Bettina.)
Remember all those cornstalks above? This picture shows the greenskeeper, Blake Banwart, his two sons and another helper using a hose to push them off the fairway and into the fast flowing creek.
And, yes, they are standing on the fairway and the water is almost up to their waists. Blake said that when it went over their heads, they'll know they found the creek. Not funny Blake. Not funny AT ALL!
This has been a tiny picture of what's been going on around here. Many, many people, in Iowa and elsewhere in the Midwest, have it much worse.
Bettina has more pictures on her MySpace and I thank her for risking her life (and her truck) for going out and taking these remarkable pictures. You rock!
